I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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