that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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