dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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