I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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