he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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