I look better un-naked...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
be right there i have to get my cape
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
