I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize