I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
