Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
