I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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