i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so that wasnt chicken after all
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
