I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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