Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
