I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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