If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had to cum in my sink.
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