my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
