I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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