Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
