She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
