OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
