So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
