hotel room ftw
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
