This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
