How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
