nut hugger
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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