I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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