Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
