just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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