I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
