Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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