i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
