It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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