tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
