I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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