when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
