So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
