so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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