don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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