Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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