Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
