the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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