there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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