Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
