she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
