omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
