By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
