I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
