I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex on a dog bed..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
