oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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