Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
