remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
