I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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