i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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