I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
