I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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