I just pynch a tree in the face
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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