Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize