Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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