I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
