Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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