I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
