just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
