I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
