so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize