Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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