Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I forget how to act sober
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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