So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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