dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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