I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
