Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
