ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
