I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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