omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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