He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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