I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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